One day a couple of shaved monkeys got jiggy. 9 months and a jolly good push later came an enormously endowed sack of shite. It was named Dog Dirt and exiled to Darlington as punishment for an incident involving a length of carpet and an AK47. After wandering the streets feeding on Parma Violets and plasticine it was adopted by some kind monks and renamed Sumoeggnoodle. It did some stuff, bought a computer, registered on Dogbomb and wrote some bollocks about this and that. Then it said hello.

Hello

Hello. Do you still have the AK47? I'll buy it off you.

It was confiscated by the carpet salesman

Damn. Now I need a new weapon of war for netniV's computer...

You can actually make Napalm with soap and petrol. My mate made some, before Fight Club but after the Jolly Roger's Cookbook and kept it in a jam jar under his bed. It was tested on the wall of the side of his house. Did more than singe his fucking eyebrows as well. But if you just want to destroy a computer a glass of water should suffice, not that I can condone that kind of thing.

Accually styrofoam+gas makes good napalm too.

I'd like to say that I'll bear that in mind but I have no intention of making Napalm. I just know some fucking dodgy bastards.

That's probably why you are on here too....

Napalm sandwiches sold on the shlef in boots next to the make up counter. All marked "the healthy choice" That should help a few of those hair dressers and perfume sellers loose the weight they never had in the first place?

Hello by the way

Theres no probably about it.

Beats dieting. alot less painful and saves all that will power shite. Who won the football by the way? Im stuck in a basement and they only let me out to eat my fish heads

I was in Boots today and I can't say I saw any Napalm sandwiches. There was some anti-hystamines, cough medicine and a couple of cantankerous old slags who felt the urge to comment on my unkempt appearance, but no Napalm sandwiches.

Germany won. Hopefully Brazil will make them cry like a bunch of girls. It was funny that the goal scorer got a second yellow card and has to miss the final.

Time we put an end to this snobbery my friend! Just tell them that their eyes and ears are uneven. Cry like a baby taken from its mother! Or you could give them a special sandwich?

A possibility. Being 22 I can't say that I witnessed the two world wars and one world cup doo daa, doo daa so maybe I should stop my anti-krautism, but I can't forgive them for making Gazza cry. I did support Bayern Leverkusen when they slapped Man Utd in the Champion's League which is a step in the right direction.

I meant the women in boots.

To be fair I looked like a tramp covered in his own piss and probably smelled pretty similar. The boiler has been fucked for the last four days so I haven't been able to have a bath since Wednesday. I must say that the guy who came to fix it today was really cool so if you live in Darlington, Co. Durham, haven't commited suicide yet and have a knackered water boiler give DMS Property Services a ring. I have nothing to gain for this impromptu advert, I'm a phone monkey for a citrus based mobile phone company. The guy was just really nice.