Some bastard shoved me in a club last night and I cracked my nose off the edge of the stage. No blood, but fucking painful. Cunt bouncers couldn't get me out the place fast enough, A and E doctor was a doll though. I've to go back when the swelling goes down, it may be broken. Gave me mega painkillers. And those cunts turfed me out on my fucking earhole. My poor baby nose is fucking massive and going fucking purple. I hate bouncers.

pics please!
i got headbutted in the nose off a bouncer once, i had two of the blackest eyes you've ever seen and the whites of my eyes were pure red.

one of my ex's got manhandled out of a clubs fire exit one night and held by the throat against the wall by two bouncers who saw him "lighting a spliff". it was only when i picked up the cigarrette that he'd lit the wrong end of and then thrown away that they realised they were wrong and let him go. didnt apologise though. cunts.

I once left a club to go back to my car. I had bought some boots that day but because I could not drive in them I wore my slippers. I queued up for ages not realising I still had the slippers on :) Anyway, went to car, changed and returned to the club. I had my car keys, but my friends inside the club waiting for me had my money and everything else. They wouldnt let me back in although I explained that to them. They would not even summon my friends to explain the situation.
I was 17 at the time. They made me wait outside on my own for about an hour which is when my friends came to find me.
A truly pathetic display by grown men abusing what little authority they have.
I hate bouncers too!

Once in a while you get decent bouncers.. but aye, in general if you want to see violent ex-cons who like shoving people around and victimising the innocent side in a fight - that's where you'll find 'em.

Ive never really had a problem with them. When I used to go out I knew most of them locally anyway, so it was never an issue for me :S

when i was about 22 i went to a club in maidstone and was wearing a pair of them lace up fuck me boots.

the girls had to queue in a different queue to the men, so all the blokes got in quicker as they only had one female bouncer searching you. i was on my own with my ex and his mate.

anyway, when i ifnally got in she frisked me and made me take one of my boots off (they took fucking ages to lace up and unlace) because "i had a knife in them". of course i didnt and thats about the most stupid thing ive ever heard from a bouncer.

also in the embassy at redhill, they wouldnt allow my ex to take in his tin of rolling tabacco.

Last time I got searched was going into a concert. The bloke must have been blind because in the bottom of my bag i had a syriinge, a wrap with some clean needles in and a some drugs. All for my mate who is supposed to carry them at all times. But they didnt notice at all.

i presume thats for diabetes.

i got asearched at edinburgh airport once, and they even took the lid off my lipstick. i commented about sticking a load of semtex in it which didnt go down too well but these days i would have been nicked for it.

then sat in a bar overlooking the runway as a million fire engines raced down the unway. yeah great way to think about the upcoming flight.

I got chucked out of a door and onto the road, by two lovely boucers at the Wolverhapton civic.
My crime I got twatted in the moshpit at a Soulfly gig, was lifted out and ended up crowd surfing over the barrier.
I didnt really help my case when I said to the one who had me in an arm lock.
"for some one this big and hard I bet you got a small cock"

I was drunk on cider (fight the world!) 17 years old and about 9 1/2 stone dripping wet, I didnt stand a fucking chance.

There is one bouncer in Wakefield who I've never really got on with. Me and my mates used to go out every monday night to this club called the buzz bar, from about the age of 17, never had any trouble with the bouncers, Then as soon as I turned 18 it all started, there are 2 twins or brothers short little poncy fuckers, and everytime I went I was either sked for ID or searched in this little room and only by these 2 little fucks. And to this day I and im 21 now and if I go in the buzz bar the same 2 guys always do it to me.

But I did get my own back when one of the short arses came in to throw these lads out, and one of them turned round started knocking the fuck out of him, the short arse was laid on the floor and he looked at me like saying 'arent you gonna do something' and I just laughed at him muhahaha

AnthillMob spouted:
i presume thats for diabetes.

i got asearched at edinburgh airport once, and they even took the lid off my lipstick. i commented about sticking a load of semtex in it which didnt go down too well but these days i would have been nicked for it.


When I was visiting my mate in prison they made me throw my lipstick away, i was dead angry about it.

You go to visit someone and you get treated like a retarded criminal. I had to stop myself from saying 'i havent done anything wrong, i think he should be in here, its not like i have smack hidden about my person'

My ex best mate (until he ran away with my ex wife) became a bouncer and he was a proper wimp. We were out one night before said parting and on the way home two yarbs trying to thumb a lift kicked the car (mine) as we went past. I stopped to have a word and things turned ugly, luckily I was quite lithe then and my mate turned up just as I was dispatching the second one ditchwise (I could still hear the first one falling through the hedge). He couldn't believe it and went on and on about it for weeks.
Anyway I turn up at this club one night with some mates and who's on the door, of course with a few on board I thought lets have fun so I leant towards him and growled. Fuckin hell, he just shouted to his mates "Watch him he's fuckin mental" and ran off inside the club. Satisfied or what:)
Needless to say we never got in but what a laugh.

Bouncers ar c*nts and i very rarely use that word. the only nice bouncers i have met are the ones from the cross in kings cross, they are very friendly, they actually held brollys up for the first 30 people in the que when it was raining.

Not the ones who wouldnt let two girls into a club in Kent because she was wearing too much gold!

TEAM EDNA spouted:
I got chucked out of a door and onto the road, by two lovely boucers at the Wolverhapton civic.
My crime I got twatted in the moshpit at a Soulfly gig, was lifted out and ended up crowd surfing over the barrier.
I didnt really help my case when I said to the one who had me in an arm lock.
"for some one this big and hard I bet you got a small cock"

I was drunk on cider (fight the world!) 17 years old and about 9 1/2 stone dripping wet, I didnt stand a fucking chance.


:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:

what a mental picture I have right now!

yep, all (ok nearly all) bouncers are cunts. I`ve worked in numerous bars and clubs in the past and have heard many conversations between them on how they"put him in hospital", or "rearranged his face"

Also, they dont like it when you pull the girl theyve been trying to chat up all night! Oh I miss being a barman sometimes ;)

Been a barman in a few places too and found that most bouncers are over-confident, steroidal losers with only their size as an asset. Only any good when they are in a group and all go in (much like the cops). Quite a few have been the sole on-site drug-dealer too.

I used to work as a bouncer in Croydon for a local bar type club effort, all you twats moaning about how all bouncers are bastards have probablly never had to intervene between two drunk rowdy twats having a bottle fight, just to save a screaming ungrateful equally drunk bint.
Thats why prescence is more important than power, to try and avoid the fight without resorting to violence. Thats why alot of Bouncers use steroids to help beef them up quicker.
I passed on this route and being quite short in stature used to get alot of grief, called it a day on the job when i realized getting cut with a Stanley knife but a drunk fuck is not the way I want to go.
3 months later the Doorman on a club 100 meters down the road is shot in a drive by...

Good Dogbombers, your tales of licenced thuggery alarm me greatly. I will proceed at once to the D'art Board & sear them with my vicious.....um?.......Poetry.

had a few unfortunate run-ins with bouncers. I don't know why either, I hardly look like I'd do much damage! :\

got dragged out of one place for sitting on the floor, all I was doing was talking to a mate and her bloke! at another club, I was dragged down the fire escape stairs, then locked out, cut my knee up good and proper it did :( and another time I was waiting for a few friends to get their coats in a club, a bouncer comes up to me and asks me to wait outside, so I say 'I'm just waiting for blabla' but insisted I go and wait outside. he then says something like 'do I have to carry you outside?' what's the harm in waiting for a few friends inside a club while they get their coats?!? I just don't get it.

I avoid bouncers as much as I can now, they're just utter twats.

I once got thrown out of a club in cardiff as i'd fallen asleep on the stage

Fair enough you might think, but the stated reason for throwing me out :-

The bouncer said i was a fire risk !


Uh !!!!!!

Hey McFoxxy, don't dis bouncers. SOME are crap, yes, like SOME shop assistants are rude and SOME airhostesses are bitches. I know lots of bouncers who are really lovely, they always watch out for me when I'm out, call taxi's for me, see off dodgy blokes. And bouncers are USUALLY are only rude to people when they are misbehaving, so what did you do that you shouldn't have been, eh?

Thats a fair point Monacella. As I replied in another thread regarding bouncers, there are good & bad in all walks of life.

The difference however is that encountering a bad shop assistant or air-hostess is unlikely to result in a visit to your local casualty dept.

I did fuck all I shouldn't have been, apart from crying because I was in pain. I wasn't causing them any trouble, or even causing a scene. I was being quiet and trying to stay calm, yet still they hurried me out of the place without so much as checking to see what happened. The word 'liability' springs to mind- if the dancefloor would've been in a better state, the accident would never have happened.

it really depends on the club. if you have a club with loads of pissed up lads wanting to fight each other, then there really isnt any point having friendly bouncers. one of the clubs in Northampton got investigated when a Somalian guy "fell" down the stairs and died some weeks later in hospital. this was the sort of place that would take people out the back doors and kick the shit out of people. i was glad to hear the club got a new lot of bouncers in, but thats still no use to the family of the guy that died.

OK, remeber Eclipse nightclub in Coventry? One of the first all night house clubs in the UK.

pbason does, I know that.

Right, so there was a dealer we used to know in there - nothing major - just 50 pills or something. but he wasn't an 'official' dealer, so was unsanctioned by the bouncers.

They pull him, take him into a back room, take his tablets, and sit him down at a table that is empty apart from a brick. They give this lad a choice of holding the brick and they then hit his fingers with a bat, breaking them all, or calling the police and handing him over with the pills.

Now 50 pills, even as a first offence, is gonna get you what..a four stretch? So he took a big breath, grabbed the brick and they smashed his hand up, and chucked him out.

The reverse is also true. The best places make a point of hiring bouncers who are well developed with no major issues to speak of.