ever had flatmates? if so any funny or strange or totally weird freaky happenings with them?

in the shared house lived a gay bloke who one night said to us "i have something to tell you" and proceeded to tell us he was gay which we knew already as he was as camp as a row of pink tents, and anyway, no skin off our noses.

he was a really good flatmate but the poor bloke got so mortified one day we didnt see him for weeks.

a couple of us (tennants) were in the kitchen and he came down to do his washing, as he was putting his bath robe in the machine this huge pink jelly-dildo fell out of the pocket! poor sod was bloody mortified.

andthe ex landlord (the exhibitionist) was a card!

two nights after we moved in he and his girlfriend came up to our room to see how we were settling in and had a few beers with us. he (landlord) tells us he has some great photos to show us, buggers off and then returns with some porn (professionally taken) shots of him and the girlfriend. they didnt bat an eyelid as they passed the photos to us giving us a full description of each shot! :shock: theres seeing someone in a magazing sitting on someones face and theres seeing your landlord and his girlfriend doing that!

he also never locked the bathroom dorr and i walked in once to find him shaving his arse and sac with his electric shaver. and he shuffled over and said "come in dont mind me"

his girlfriend and him and some mates went clubbing one night, we were all sat in the communal livingroom, girlfriend walks in in a pair of see0thru trousers with no pants of and some kind of madonna cone bra and asked how she looked! how we kept straight faces i dont know, and she went out dressed like it.

If fireboy was here, he'd tell a few tales I bet. Alas.

I shared a flat with a gay friend for a few months. There were several momentous occasions, but of note and prolly already mentioned here before was the occasion when I was watching Richard and Judy, and unbeknownst to me, he was having a crafty wank in the bath which I would never have known about had he not ran through the flat screaming with nought but a towel to vaguely cover his dignity after ejaculating directly into his eye. He was heading for the kitchen to hunt down an egg cup to help him wash it out.

Them was the days.

:haha:

thats fantastic!

you made me cry!

UberMinx spouted:
I shared a flat with a gay friend for a few months. There were several momentous occasions, but of note and prolly already mentioned here before was the occasion when I was watching Richard and Judy, and unbeknownst to me, he was having a crafty wank in the bath which I would never have known about had he not ran through the flat screaming with nought but a towel to vaguely cover his dignity after ejaculating directly into his eye. He was heading for the kitchen to hunt down an egg cup to help him wash it out.

Them was the days.

surprised he bothered with the towel, being he's gay you were like one of the ladies to him.

"ran through the flat screaming with nought but a towel to vaguely cover his dignity after ejaculating directly into his eye"

Ah yes, we've all been there havn't we.......................havn't we?......


....Oh, we havn't.................ahem...............shit!

No we haven't... I never covered myself up with a towel!

At Uni I shared a house with nine other blokes. We got a colour telly, but one of our number insisted that we should watch in black and white as the colours were "too vivid" and would ruin our eyesight.

He also once warned me to step away from my huge plate of freshly-vinegared chips as the "heavy vapour" would "kill me"

er....it didn't

No, but it has deformed you into the deprived individual that stumbled across dogbomb and didn't immediately close the window !

http://www.dogbomb.co.uk/board/showthread.php?s=&threadid=20466

One of my old landlords arrived, banging on the door about 2am one morning. I opened and he lunged inside, hugging me. He was pissed as a fart and decided to come over and see "his boys"
he preceded to tell us all that he loved us, and that he loved having us to stay. We managed to get rid of him after a few hours.

I also had a flatmate that was very possessive about his frying pan....

An old age pensioner in the flat below mine got me evicted for "making a noise" at two in the morning.
It didn't apparently matter to this old cunt that I came home at that hour absolutely bladdered, fell down the stairs, broke my glasses and wound up in hospital, all HE cared about was that I interrupted his beauty sleep. So I came out of hospital three days later homeless, and had to sleep on the floor of a record shop where I worked for a few nights.
Got my own back on the cunt by tapping on his bedroom window at 3am and singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead".

World Of Weird spouted:

Got my own back on the cunt by tapping on his bedroom window at 3am and singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead".

You're a twisted bastard, WoW - but I like yer style!

World Of Weird spouted:
An old age pensioner in the flat below mine got me evicted for "making a noise" at two in the morning.
It didn't apparently matter to this old cunt that I came home at that hour absolutely bladdered, fell down the stairs, broke my glasses and wound up in hospital, all HE cared about was that I interrupted his beauty sleep. So I came out of hospital three days later homeless, and had to sleep on the floor of a record shop where I worked for a few nights.
Got my own back on the cunt by tapping on his bedroom window at 3am and singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead".

did he say 'so are you' and proceeded to get his shotgun out? :))

I had a room mate when I was 19 who was almost 40 and still a virgin. She had one friend, a fat little dog named Ducky. I remember me and one of my best friends were getting ready to go hang out with some guys when they were airing Princess Di's funeral aired and she yelled at us "Can't you have any respect! It's a funeral. Don't you understand she's dead" and she was just bawling. She was a freak.

I lived with a girl last year who didnt know how to make a sandwich.

whats a sandwich?

she can't make them, you can't spell them :))

I had a landlord who was super intelligent and overly polite, but thought it was funny to approach my room when I had guests while asking me if there was any chance of a blow job, and then walk in and say "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you had guests."
I used to play chess with him and try to ignore the fact that his balls were hanging out of his boxers.

Anyway, he didn't come to collect the rent one week, as he normally did, so he left a note under my door a few days later saying I owed him interest. I gave him a rent cheque with a polite note telling him to fuck off.

So then he started stealing my mail. I was just starting a business at the time, and some of that mail was important. I tried to talk to him about this, but he wouldn't listen. If I had a shiny gun, I would have shot him at that point, and I'm not a violent person....

I searched his room while he was out, found my mail, steamed it open, removed the contents, sealed it, put it back and made plans to get out of there.

While I was moving the first load of stuff out, he broke into my room and removed everything of value. When I confronted him about this, he finally got round to telling me that the rent cheque had bounced.

Later on, he started trying to blackmail my mother....

Wanker.

A few months later he stabbed his girlfriend 32 times and gave her body a haircut and a bath before driving to the local looney bin and asking for help. Meanwhile, her parents had found the body and called the police.

She was the nicest girl you could ever hope to meet.

I wish I'd killed him when I wanted to. He'd be dead, she'd be alive, I'd be in jail, and that would be better.

If I ever see him again, he's history.

bloody hell thats terrible!

Shit happens.

I now have the nicest landlords in the world. I was late paying the rent a couple of months ago, so the woman who works in the office came to ask me if I needed to borrow any money....

my brother and i once lived with a guy...

his name was joe... Joe Ng. NG!!! what a name.

anyway he was a total nutcase. He was germophobic i think, he used to make cups of tea in the microwave... in polystyrene cups. actually come to think of it he never ate out of anything that wasnt polystyrene, paper, or plastic.

This guy had issues.


he was nocturnal. He'd sleep all day then bang about the house all night.

reading that post i feel that it dosnt do this dude justice.


he would exit the house by jumping out of his window.
and enter by standing on the bin and crawling through the aforementioned window.

If he ever spilled anything, he would mop it up with paper towel, regardless of what it was, or how much of it was spilled.

He would cook stir fry at 4am every day (his dinner time) and then leave the remainder around the house for a couple of weeks until either brent or i got the courage to bin it.

his weird relatives would always call and he'd scream at them in crazy chinese for hours and hours and hours.

life was never dull living with Joe Ng.


I also lived with a girl, rachael, who showered with her cat.... but thats another story....

he was a germophobe but still stood on bins?

hey chinese ain't crazy.

he was a germophobe but didn't feel compelled to clean the left over stir fry away?

hey i dont know if he was a germophobe. but he was hell bent on NOT using anything communal, and he cleaned everythng all the time....

maybe he thought we were dirty dirty people....

and i didnt say that the chinese were crazy.

i said that he would scream at his mother in crazy (ie. incredibly loud, fast, unintellegible) chinese.

Taya spouted:
hey i dont know if he was a germophobe. but he was hell bent on NOT using anything communal, and he cleaned everythng all the time....



except his own stir fry...

maybe he thought he might catch something from you . :))
hahaaaa (joke)

I shared a house with a professional rugby league player once.
Is that enough information?

I also briefly shared a two bedroom flat with a right twat called Martin who was a Jesus freak.
I wound up going toe to toe with the bastard in a shop doorway on Wellingborough Road, then went to live with the girlfriend.

was he trying to get out the door and you where trying to get in? :)

I once shared a flat with 5 flatmates ,who were very normal . But thought I was weird.

Taya spouted:
i said that he would scream at his mother in crazy (ie. incredibly loud, fast, unintellegible) chinese.

I bet it was intelligible if you're Chinese. Are you Chinese? Well then....

i was about to say this. :)) 'of course it's unintelligable. you don't speak the language.' hahaha

and it's only fast because he's not going to speak like a darlik to his mum.

I didn't realise you could speak darlik. However, this doesn't really keep the discussion on topic. So, lets get back to it. I would have to say that the wierdest person I've ever stayed in a house with, was me.

I have a darlic in my shed!!!!!!


some dude gave it to me "while he was on holiday"

its like worth heeeeaps. im gonna sell it to a museum, i wear it to fancy dress parties, it has lights and you can hit people with the gun and arms.. oh man... good times....

and to further elongate the chinese comment, normally you can almost tell when one sentence/word begins, but it seemed like an hour long breathless chant... and as far as i can tell they were both 'chanting' at once... which probably explains why he would get louder as the conversation went on i have many chinese friends and have heard them speak, this was something else, the house was a' shakin'

postal postie spouted:
was he trying to get out the door and you where trying to get in? :)

No, I had had enough of the cunt. He even tried to stop me drinking beer in my own fucking bedroom, the twat. Provoked enough, I shook up a can of Guinness and kicked open his bedroom door, then sprayed the lot in his face. He 'offered me outside' and we had a punch-up.

a waste of good guiness but i expect the look on his face as you kicked the door down sas style was compensation enough.

I lived with a guy who kept every single cardboard box he got. Crap appliances, he kept the box, crap kitset furniture, he kept the box, didn't know how to clean the kitchen or bathroom or after himself and as for his gf she couldn't even boil water let alone make a sandwhich.

I was in another flat where I was in the process of shaving my face at the time as I was about to leave for work and the new flatmate walks in wearing nothing but a towel and proceeds to have a conversation with me. Boundary issues?

Lived in another flat where nobody knew how to clean up and when I moved out I found plates and cups of mine that had civilisations developing on them.

Had another flatmate who had his new gf move in within a month of meeting her. He went out clubbing with her and her best friend not long after that and when they got home the 3 of them went into his room and not long after that his gf invited me in to 'watch the movie' with them. Shagged the best friend and the gf in his bed and after that his gf tried to get me into compromising situations, usually when he wasn't around but there was one time when she asked me to feel her pace maker scar (she had a heart defect but looked after herself really well) and grabbed my hand and 'forced' me to play with her nipple in front of her bf and friends.

lucky git. wish I had been there ! :)

I Stayed with a co-worker once for a month. Came home liquored one night and his 'ol lady had him all tyed up bent over the couch with a big assed dildo stickin' outta his ass and a little red rubber ball stuffed in his cake hole.
She just looked at me and said 'Excuuuuse meeeee'...
Man.
I moved out that weekend.

I have not lived with anyone strange but where we lived about 1 year ago, the landlady evicted us and then about 6 months later wrote me a letter saying that I was a bad person. Mostly accusing me of being a bad person because I was late on the rent a few times.

lildog spouted:
I Stayed with a co-worker once for a month. Came home liquored one night and his 'ol lady had him all tyed up bent over the couch with a big assed dildo stickin' outta his ass and a little red rubber ball stuffed in his cake hole.
She just looked at me and said 'Excuuuuse meeeee'...
Man.
I moved out that weekend.

Jeezuz, thats the funniest thing I've read today.

:haha:

trxiegirl71 spouted:
I have not lived with anyone strange but where we lived about 1 year ago, the landlady evicted us and then about 6 months later wrote me a letter saying that I was a bad person. Mostly accusing me of being a bad person because I was late on the rent a few times.

You evil li'l witch! :-D

The anal "I save everything" types fuck me RIGHT off. Some twatty twat called Jerry lent me a video a few years back and then went arsy because I (mistakenly) threw away the receipt he'd tucked inside the case.
"What's your fucking problem", spouted WoW, "the bloody thing works! You don't NEED it!"
He then produced a circa 1983 copy of Clash of the Titans and showed me the receipt from some poncy video dealership who'd charged him nigh on sixty quid for the shite.
"I keep ALL my receipts", he sneered.
What a fucking, fucking, FUCKING tonce.

I once had a landlord who came round one day and set fire to the garden.
AND we all nearly died of carbon monoxide poisoning from a crappy old gas heater.
AND i could hear the ugly people next door shagging.
AND we kept all our beer cans,whisky/vodka bottles, which made us look dead hard.

Shared a house with two other blokes. I used to feed the cat (I hate cats and it wasn't mine), and water the plants (I hate houseplants).

Best moment was when the bin in the kitchen, as it habitually did, became somewhat full. We were all in the kitchen - one bloke looked at the bin and said "isn't anybody going to empty that bin?"

Then he couldn't understand what we were laughing at.

Oh and that ba***** cat rewarded me for feeding him and letting him in and out by biting me unexpectedly and pissing on my shorts when I left my bedroom door open by mistake one day.

Oh I've had the good and the bad.

My first flat after leaving home was sharing with the 30 year old woman (I was 23) who owned it. She was a good laugh and a good mate at first but went slowly and steadily off the rails. She was obsessed with cleanliness and tidyness, to the extent that the bin in the kitchen was bleached twice a week. She also had this strange idea that nothing in the bathroom was to get wet. Heaven forfend if you had a bath or a shower and did not go around mopping up every last little drop afterwards.

Amazingly I put up with this for a year (she was abroad travelling for half of that admittedly). I then moved five minutes down the road to a place that was a total contrast. 50 year old landlord owned this four bedroom house. He was unemployed and had been for years and so rented out the other rooms to pay the morgage and for the company. We weren't tenants, we were paying guests as he did all the cleaning, washing up and ran the place for us happily. We just came and went, paid a pittance in rent and generally had a blast. He also had a lavish bathroom with an airbath (kind of jaccuzi) which was great for shagging in.

The only reason I moved out was to go to London. I spent three years in the converted front room of a nice house in Tottenham. Landlady lived there on and off but was often abroad, the rest of us got on famously. She even had the loft converted into a penthouse for her and gave us a discount on the rent during the building works.

When I got a payrise I moved to a fantastic docklands flat. Landlady had originally bought the place with her boyfriend but bought him out and started letting it when they split up. All was fine at first, shared with another bloke for most of last year. Then at Christmas he moved out and at the same time my foreign girlfriend wanted to come over to study for a year. I ask if it is OK for her to share my room with me and landlady agrees. Four months on and the spare room (massive double room with ensuite no less) remains unlet and landlady believes this is because nobody wants to come and share with a couple.

Result now is that the bitch has given notice as she wants to let the place as a whole - unless we can find someone to move into the room in which case we can stay.

yeah we had a couple in with us once... its not good...

you just feel like you shouldnt be there. and we were there first, damnit! Id just advertise in lots of places, contact a university, theyre always teeming with youths itching to come and inhabit your living space.

Or just get one of your mates to come. or invite some homeless bum off the street, christ, you only need a person to sleep in the bed.

Actually I don't think it will be too much of a problem. Heck, I know people in London who live as the only single person in a four bedroomed house occupied by three couples.

Me and the bird are paying the lions share of the rent on the whole place so the luxury room is going for an absolute song... I like my odds.