Always a big discussion point in Pardon? 's house - what are wankers driving these days.

Currently, Porsche 911s (perennial favourite) and Jeeps.

SUVs

Anything with a soft top

Audi TTs and BMW X5s (the terrible combo of beemer AND 4x4 driver!)

Porsche (espes the new "off roader." Lots of mud tracks in Chelsea.)
Mercedes (espes the executive saloons: Panzer Tanks for the new millenium)
BMW (perennial fave)
Lotus Elise (these guys may as well just carry a sign saying "I suffer from tiny knob disorder.")
Anything modified.
Any off roader fitted with alloys and road tires used exclusively on the school run.

OK I`m going to stand up for people who like cars for what thwey are..............cars, not a penis substitute, or trophy of success etc.,etc.,etc.

I own a SUV, why, because I have 2 big dogs and take the up the local woods for a run and need something big enough to carry them. I also drive at least 2 hrs a day to and from work so I want something comfortable.

Also, I am looking for a kitcar this summer, why, because I like kitcars. They have excellant performance (which I am planning to go to track days to put to the test), they are relatively cheap and great fun to drive. If you have never driven a soft top in the summer how can you criticise???

OK there are some people out there who do treat cars as blah blah blah, but if you have worked hard to get something nice to drive, why shouldn`t you??!!!

What would you have all these "wankers" drive instead?

wbps spouted:

Lotus Elise (these guys may as well just carry a sign saying "I suffer from tiny knob disorder.")



AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

A good freind of mine has one of these and has a HUGE COCK SO THERE!!!!!!!


GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the average off roader has less space and is less comfortable than the average large estate car/station wagon
(and they are usually more expensive)

I can remeber a time (70s/80s) when someone driving an open-topped 911 would get numerous wanker gestures thrown at him. I don't condone that behaviour as I do think that if you earn a decent wage you should be allowed to drive whatever you want.

However, wankers are the ones who flaunt what they drive, cut you up, and generally look like wankers.

They do tend to drive sports cars and off-roaders.

I've found it don't matter whether a person is a wanker or not by what car they drive. If they are, then they are. I've almost lost the front of my car to many different types of makes. Some people can be far to arrogant because they're in a relatively decenty car - Merc drivers tend to be round here; but I think they must be ona board or something since they all get out of my way nowadays :D

pardon? spouted:
I can remeber a time (70s/80s) when someone driving an open-topped 911 would get numerous wanker gestures thrown at him. I don't condone that behaviour as I do think that if you earn a decent wage you should be allowed to drive whatever you want.

However, wankers are the ones who flaunt what they drive, cut you up, and generally look like wankers.

They do tend to drive sports cars and off-roaders.

How do you flaunt what you drive???


And just because you drive a Porsche for example that makes you a wanker, no matter how you act?

butchspangly spouted:



AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

A good freind of mine has one of these and has a HUGE COCK SO THERE!!!!!!!


GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

I'm trying hard to hide my jealousy: I have a tiny willy and drive a crappy Astra.

Does the same apply to houses? If someone is succesfull and works hard, if they own a nice big home that makes them a wanker too?

no, we're saying that people who drive like wankers, tend to buy certain types of cars.

wbps spouted:


:D

I'm trying hard to hide my jealousy: I have a tiny willy and drive a crappy Astra.


:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:


cheers wbps, thats just changed my mood completely..............and I only know cuz we played rugby together!!!

You don't have to have a flash car, drive with casual disregard for other road users and have loads of money to be a wanker, but it does help. (this is not aimed at Butch's above post!)

How do you flaunt what you drive???


And just because you drive a Porsche for example that makes you a wanker, no matter how they act?

Flaunting behaviour: acting like a peacock with the hood down; arm out of driver's window; driver gloves and reflector sunglasses; loud music on stereo; any go-faster touches

You don't have to be wanker to drive a 911 it's just that wankers are strangely attracted to this type of car.

I'd love a 911 tho (but not a cabrio)

bicycles, in public, the dirty, dirty fuckers

(head down) so would I.

hugo-a-gogo spouted:
no, we're saying that people who drive like wankers, tend to buy certain types of cars.


I`m so sorry to go on, (I`m normally so amicable), but I have to disagree. Lots of different people, driving different cars can be wankers. From the sports car owners to the clapped out astra owners :D I see it everyday, especially around Bristol. Some people just turn into twats when they`re driving, no matter what they drive, what sex they are, race, etc., etc.

chugster spouted:
bicycles, in public, the dirty, dirty fuckers


FILTH!!!

hugo-a-gogo spouted:
I'd love a 911 tho (but not a cabrio)


hugo why not a cabrio?

no, we're saying that people who drive like wankers, tend to buy certain types of cars.

I would add that people who are wankers tend to buy certain types of cars, too. For example, the car of choice for the 80's yuppy was the VW Golf.

hugo-a-gogo spouted:
the average off roader has less space and is less comfortable than the average large estate car/station wagon
(and they are usually more expensive)

Ok you got me there, I suppose there is a little bit of vanity in me not going for an estate, but I feel old eough already!!!!


/hunts out slippers and pipe............

butchspangly spouted:
hugo why not a cabrio?

cabrios are just a bit too 'look at me' and they are an annoyance most of the time.
the exception is small sports roadsters like MGBs, they are great

(i drive a passat estate *shame* it's a fuckin company car tho, but then again i have a big scary murrabike too, so no pipe and slippers yet)

coooorrrrrrrr............

anyone fancy a beer, I`m going to the pub!!!!

hugo-a-gogo spouted:


cabrios are just a bit too 'look at me' and they are an annoyance most of the time.
the exception is small sports roadsters like MGBs, they are great


MG`s are what got me hooked on soft tops.................but that is another story!

hugo-a-gogo spouted:


( but then again i have a big scary murrabike too, so no pipe and slippers yet)

I would love a bike, for the same reasons for loving soft-tops, but a) no license, and b)way too stoopid!

It must be a lovely feeling on a moster of a bike, hot sunny day, open road, throbbing engine between your legs............

:\

butchspangly spouted:



I`m so sorry to go on, (I`m normally so amicable), but I have to disagree. Lots of different people, driving different cars can be wankers. From the sports car owners to the clapped out astra owners :D I see it everyday, especially around Bristol. Some people just turn into twats when they`re driving, no matter what they drive, what sex they are, race, etc., etc.

:))

As it happens, in a couple of weeks I'm going to be in Bristol. We can settle this like men... Arm wrestling! :D

[meanwhile, back on topic] I agree that the type of car does not define the degree of wanker, but it is easy to rely on stereotypes because those stereotypes have to come from somewhere. Example: City boys have a penchent for 911s etc because they are by nature loud and aggressive and want to be noticed. And they all suffer from Small Penis Disorder.

Flip side of the coin: Some people are going to deserve a slapping whatever they drive, however thay act, no matter how much money they give to charity and no matter how kind they are to kittens. And the other day, I saw a BMW driver let someone out. Will wonders never cease?

wbps spouted:


:))

As it happens, in a couple of weeks I'm going to be in Bristol. We can settle this like men... A pillow fight! :D



Ok you name the time and place!

.............and don`t forget, our current dogbomb pin-up (you all know who I mean) drives one of the cars you have described!
What would she think............. ;)

I own a SUV, why, because I have 2 big dogs and take the up the local woods for a run and need something big enough to carry them.

Wait.

You *drive* your dogs to a place where you can walk them?

wbps spouted:
And the other day, I saw a BMW driver let someone out. Will wonders never cease?

Thinking about, it was a lady BMW driver. And lets face it, our current pin-up is an unceasing wonder... :) I'd forgive her...

Dazzla spouted:


Wait.

You *drive* your dogs to a place where you can walk them?

errrrrrrrrrrrrrr...................yes.

Where I live,I dont want to let my dogs off the lead for a run, I dont think people around me would appreciate that. Plus them running around the roads wouldn`t be too safe would it?????

Yeah. Good point. But I've got nowhere to excercise horses safely so I, er, don't have any horses.

See?

so the consensus is those with cars you lot cant afford are wankers??

i drive a toyota celica i cant afford it
am i a wanker (thats a whole other thread)

Not really, no. I could afford a BMW, MG or Mercedes if I wanted one, but I have better things to spend my money on other than a small metal box that I use to sit stationary in and curse other people.

I couldn't afford a Porsche, admittedly, buit I truly wouldn't want one.

pamii spouted:
i drive a toyota celica i cant afford it
am i a wanker (thats a whole other thread)

you obviously can afford it or you wouldnt be driving it :P might be a strugle but you manage. not quite the same as not being able to afford a porsche though is it?

I could afford a 911 but I wouldn't buy one. I'd feel like a wanker in it.

well dont buy one then. however claiming everyone who does is a wanker seems a bit, well wankerish to me.

I didn't say that. Not everyone who has a 911 is a wanker, but lots of wankers drive 911s. There's difference.

yeah that didnt come out right. lots of wankers drive porsches. fair enough i'll accept that. but then lots of wankers drive fiestas, escorts, astras.... the list is endless.

I listen to drivers every day. I can say that the majority of BMW owners and Jaguar owners are complete arses. They seem to think that everyone is shit on their shoes and speak to you like dirt.

Also, modified drivers seem to think that their vehicle is worth a million, when infact the mods are shite and while the vehicle looks a doll on the outside, its a complete bag of nails under the bonnet.

As a positive point I would like to say that on the whole Lexus drivers are an absolute dream.

salsa spouted:


As a positive point I would like to say that on the whole Lexus drivers are an absolute dream.

I think you`ll find thats Lexi! :D

I'm with those that say you don't have to be a wanker to drive some of these cars, but it seems to help. Or maybe it is indeed jealousy ;)

I can also understand why they end up 'wankers' in some ways. When you have a fast car, I'm sure you'd want to use it... you wouldn't want to be stuck at 30mph in a 60 zone when you can find some way (however rude) around it. As for the attitude you often see though, that's more of the common "arrogant twat that thinks he's god because he has a fast car" job.

Butttt... they are usually wankers, and as a driver of a clapped out Renault 5 I'm happy to call them that :p One common trait of the Merc/BMW drivers around here (there are a lot - rich people flock to this area) is to sit RIGHT up your arse so that if you ever have to brake, your rear will meet their front before you can say "wank". (Sure they'd probably be to blame where insurance is concerned, but it would be an annoying hassle.)

Then at the first opportunity they see (usually dangerously close to a blind corner but survivable with luck), they zoom past in the lowest possible gear they can manage without wrecking the engine, to seemingly indicate their disapproval at only doing 70 in a 60 zone instead of 120.

Well my boss drives a Porshe Boxter and hes an absolute Wanker. As they say, the proof is in the pudding.

I might as well face the fact that if I had a flash car, I would be one of these pricks, however I am 'Stealth Wanker' in my subtle inconspicuous family car

Jedichef spouted:


you obviously can afford it or you wouldnt be driving it :P might be a strugle but you manage. not quite the same as not being able to afford a porsche though is it?


i said i drive it i didnt say it was mine he he
and no i cant afford it
im not really that fussed either so long as i get about its all i care about
i understand about wankers and fast cars tho
but there are equally as many wankers in standard cars !

I see wankers on public transport on a regular basis; I don't think it's limited to cars, although I would imagine that quite a few of the wankers on public transport do in fact own cars.

I'm a frustrated wanker - I've got a 1600 Nissan Bluebird and I'd sit up peoples arses in the fast lane, if only I could :(

Those fookers who read too much Max Power and buy loads of add ons, a HUUUUUGE exhaust, wear a baseball cap whilst driving with the stereo belting out (probably Sccoter), driving flat out round town because if it got on the open road it would be put to shame by a Reliant type of car. They are probably lowered to be an inch from the ground and have 18" rims too.

Although the bloke who indicated the opposite way to where he wanted to go on the roundabout today is also a wanker. He was driving a Volvo.

Dazzla spouted:

Wait.

You *drive* your dogs to a place where you can walk them?

Growing up we had these people in our neighborhood who would drive their dog around for exercise and stick their arm out of the car to hold the leash. They would go 10mph and drive slowly next to their dog who was taking a walk.

The worst cars ever though are the Hummer H2.

DoodleBug spouted:

Although the bloke who indicated the opposite way to where he wanted to go on the roundabout today is also a wanker. He was driving a Volvo.

But didnt you know Volvo's come without indicators?

Volvo drivers are a different type of Wanker. They're better described as "clueless idiots who act before they think (or signal)"

Cars with roof racks are also a very bad sign of the above class. I don't know why... but I always notice this and feel appropriate concern when I see a guy in front with a roof rack. (The smaller the car and more obvious the rack, the worse the driver)

Come on you lot. You've all forgotten about 'white van man' and 'taxi driver'. Both types are fucking idiots that will park their vehicles anywhere, cos they are too lazy to walk further than five steps. I cant stand the wankers who just dawdle along at ten mph lower than the speed limit, on a by-pass.
Come to think of it, im not behind most long enough to be pissed-off with them, but i do hate getting cut up. Brake testing them back usually gets their attention focused.

Van Basten spouted:


i do hate getting cut up. Brake testing them back usually gets their attention focused.




My preferred method of dealing with twat motorists is by giving them a healthy dose of Full Beam Justice. Anyone selfish/fucking stupid enough to cause tailbacks/danger on the motorways by hogging the middle lane soon moves over once I light the cab of their car up like a Belisha beacon and temporarily blind them.

wbps spouted:

Mercedes (espes the executive saloons: Panzer Tanks for the new millenium)

Oi! that's fighting talk.

i think that people with really flashy cars are far too eager to test the capabilities of their vehicles, and do so with little or no consideration for others. they spend $70 000+ on a sportscar and zoom down a goddamn main street doing 80km/h just to see what the car can do. i get pissed off at this and i'm not even a driver.
so i would support the flash car=wanker statement. if you can afford such a car, you can go to germany and speed to your heart's content on the autobahn.

/me did 260kmh/160mph 2 days ago on the autobahn

arf!

holy fuck, hugo.

The biggest wanker I know drives an early 80s Mazda.

all of them ...

sell your car and get a bike /vespa / lambretta..

marleyb , anti car brigade.

:)

vespas are cool, but a bit too likely to be stolen around these parts.

salsa spouted:
I listen to drivers every day. I can say that the majority of As a positive point I would like to say that on the whole Lexus drivers are an absolute dream.

I agree, but the 'dream' I had in mind now has a Ford Maverick. Read on another board a couple of weeks back that BMW drivers get the most sex.

They certainly do - I'm seeing a Beemer driver at the moment ;)

Read on another board a couple of weeks back that BMW drivers get the most sex.

Results no doubt from a survey of BMW drivers.

I expect they included sex with their right hand in their estimations.

biggest wanker i know hasnt got a car and carnt drive !!

World of Weird? :))

hugo-a-gogo spouted:
/me did 260kmh/160mph 2 days ago on the autobahn

arf!

Oh you reckless tart.

/although me remembers doing similar antics trying to get to ferry in Rotterdam from Bielefeld. Vrrrrrrrrooooooooom.

The biggest wankers tedn to drive Novas, Fiestas and lots other crappy cars with stupid body kits on. Your basic Max Power reader in general who will accelerate as quick as possible at a green light but will slow down to a crawl if there are any birds nearby.

My brother has a Porsche Boxster Sports 3.2. He's a wanker at home, a wanker outdoors and a wanker in his car.

Where does he fit?

Mariska spouted:

Read on another board a couple of weeks back that BMW drivers get the most sex.
:))

In my experience, its the ones driving those convertible MG/fords/Rover blahs that are the most wanky. Big wooh, you're driving a convertible. Same goes for Merc owners.

Mariska spouted:

Read on another board a couple of weeks back that BMW drivers get the most sex.

That's because half of them are pimps.

Dazzla spouted:


That's because half of them are pimps.

Can't hide anything from you, can they?

Nissan Micra drivers are total wankers.

Dazzla spouted:


That's because half of them are pimps.

I was driving through Aston the other night and saw some geezer driving a black bmw with spinning rims and the lot. We were laughing at him at the traffic lights, then realised hw would probably shoot us, so we stopped, pdq.

SMART CARS the most stupid looking car since anything. I mean you would see a man driving a loaf of bread and a smart car and I would rather get in the loaf bread.