Sometimes my arse just won't wipe clean. I'll wipe and wipe and wipe but I just can't get rid of the brown.

What's going on here? Why does the human arse sometimes defy all attempts at wiping?

Guinness. That's why.

Use wet-wipes and 'go deep.'

Guinness. That's why.

I'm not much of a drinking man, as it happens.

The wife says it's due to too many between-meal snacks. Eat too much between your clearly defined meals, and the cylinders of waste, so to speak, just never cleanly end. So you have as it were a never-ending sausage of poo moving through your system, which never cleanly wipes.

Or so the theory goes. Sounds feasible but I don't know how true it is.

one of those inter-lektual topics this one, eh?

Eat more ruffage! :rimlar:

Use wet-wipes and 'go deep.'

I've tried that. It just adds to the trauma without providing any closure.

Eat more ruffage! :rimlar:

Just results in a more artistic texture.

Due to the topic I had to rate it crap :rolf:

You obviously aren't getting it all out properly. Either change your diet so that it is easier to digest, use some mild laxatives, or go get a colonic irrigation thingamejigger.

Be really nice to the missus (get her flowers not chocolate) and get her to put the Dyson on full power. :donate:

Strain harder. /-{}-\

no, dont strain. you will give yourself haemorrhoids. how the fuck do you spell that?

no, dont strain. you will give yourself haemorrhoids. how the fuck do you spell that?

Just miss the letter a out.

no, dont strain. you will give yourself haemorrhoids. how the fuck do you spell that?

Anusol

Just miss the letter a out.

nah, i think im right.

re: haemorrhoids/hemorrhoids

Both spellings are correct it seems.

(there's an awful lot about this subject on google. Piles, in fact)

It's overused these days but i think that desevres a :rimlar:

eat whole prunesTechnical term-(grazing) / eating 12 times / day :cheese:

shit in your wifes mouth, that'll teach her to keep her comments to herself...
only kidding!!! har har (netniv sit down!)

my advice would be to shave your gooch and crack, thus avoiding clingon's, eat like 4 weetabix in a row replacing the milk with prune juice, when u feel the urge to purge, just hold it in for as long as u can, just when youre about to make a brown mess in your kecks, dash to the loo and just let it all go, in one or two swift and strong anal thrusts... let it drip, then apply a few thorugh scrapes with some cushioned andrex...

do this everyday without fail and u should see some improvements, and maybe some weight loss

dude... you thought about that post wayyyyy too much.

what are you a scatologist or summit? POSTBANKEN

whats this thought shit?

i do this everyday without fail!

TYake a book/magazine/something to read in with you .You wont get so bored ,and stand up before youv'e finished.