Do you really need to ask? Well I'll tell you anyway.
He's an uneducated, self-important, witless, UGLY Bastard!
Not only is he not funny, he's consuming valuable oxygen that an amobea has more right too. I don't really agree with infacticide, but would have gladly made an exception for this waste of space.

Leave him alone, he has a rapier like wit and does not feel the need to be kind to animals and charities and Angus Deayton. ian Hislop is also top class, leave them both the fuck alone.

His attempts at being funny are just grating and his dress sense is awful. Every time he opens his mouth I want to kick him.

There's already a thread for this. And Paul Merton is annoying as fuck.

i'd have to disagree

leave him alone! he is funny, and deserves to be worshipped just for doing have i got news for you and room 101

Merton - good guy. Those phones 4u ads are a fucking disgrace though.

Originally posted by saint mike
Merton - good guy. Those phones 4u ads are a fucking disgrace though.

I hope we're not seeing the start of a sell-out

Mertons a funny bloke but like most of them hes a bit on the edge, not realy annoying though.

Paul Bastard Merton. What a valueless piece of nothing that man is. But it's us poor suckers who have put this prick where he is. I first became aware of him as part of the Comedy Store Players (him, not me) where he "entertained" through the medium of "impro". I saw him on the "Whose Line..." programme (breeding ground, seemingly, for the witless and talentless - witness, Clive Anderson, Josie Lawrence, Colin Mockery... the list goes on and on and on...), then was foolish enough to see him in the show live. It was balls. Undeterred, I then went to see him performing an Edinburgh Festival warm-up show at a small venue in Hemel Hempstead. He talked for an hour and a quarter and ellicited one laugh from me (wit, fair's fair, an excellent one-liner). I call that a low strike rate. "Have I got news for you" shows him as the vapid arse that he is. It amazes me how amused Hislop appears to be at Merton's every flacid utterance. Maybe he's laughing AT him. God, I hope so. "Room 101" stands further testament to Merton's empty-headidness. Even when presented with a genuinely entertaining guest, he has to drag the show back round to himself and another tiresome effort to amuse - which fails! Tosser. What is it that makes him consider himself so outstanding in his field as he parades his knowledge (or ability to quote vast chunks of) comedians of days gone by (who weren't funny then and don't stand the test of time now? So, what should we do with him? Flush him away with the rest of the soiled toilet paper, I say. Have done with his tedious (non)personality from our screens. He is as nought to me. Begone.

Now, there's no guarantee the link below is true, but this is an alleged out take from an episode of Have I got news for you from 2000 involving Paul Merton and Jimmy Saville. Apparently this did the rounds as an email at the time, but I missed it, so apologies if this is not news for you.

Anyway, Paul Merton has definately gone up in my estimations if it is true.....

http://www.thewhitehouse.connectfree.co.uk/page14.htm

I think Paul Mertons OK and I'll endeavour to do my best to remove him in favour of some proper slimeweasels

I can't believe that this man has got away with being on tv for as long as he has, without possessing the slightest hint of talent or comic ability. He gets laughs on Have I Got News For You by being stupid and childish, and not even deliberately, he really is that fucking dumb. Just by watching the scripted and rehearsed travesty that is room 101, you will realise what a complete 'tard this man is. He just reads a badly written autocue, which is the same every fucking episode. That programme was slightly witty when Nick HanCOCK presented it, but only if they had an amusing guest on. Ever since Merton took over, it has been the sloppiest pile of repugnant wank on tv. I don't know if Merton ever was funny, but it seems that all these quiz shows like Have I Got News For You, Buzzcocks, They Think Its All Over and about a hundred on channel 5 etc etc, specialise in ruining previously funny comedians' careers, to name but a few Jupitus, Ed Byrne, Sean Hughes.... etc.

This man is guilty of childish, silly banal one-liners that people may mistake for comedy ... the average group of adolescents has about as much wit and humour ...

but more annoying than Sick Hacknell??
Hmmm .... on the balance. No.

I think Paul Merton's generally OK. The phones4u advert I could do without and those things that he did for ITV a while back were pretty bad (the series he had on his own, plus the Tony Hancock things). No, let's be honest they were utter rubbish. However, I usually find him quite funny on HIGNFY and Radio 4.

If him and Hucknall were standing in front of me and I had gun with one bullet I know who I'd shoot. I also smash his skull with the gun, just to be on the safe side.

Merton is nowhere near as funny as he'd like to think that he is. Compare his performances on Just a Minute with that on the heavily scripted and edited HIGNFY to see that he aint a great live comedian. Something of the mockney about him too, public school boy I suspect. Anyway he's still not comparable to the odious Hucknall. That fucking Angus Deyton though, Hucknallity oozes from his every orifice.

He worships Deuce, the patron saint of gambling, or am I thinking of a different Paul.

paul merton is a miserable, sad faced sarcastic fucker, but has provided many a laugh on HIGNFY, doesn't matter of it is scripted, its the delivery that counts,

funniest guy on HIGNFY

Always liked him but having read the (alleged) exchange with (sir) jimmy saville I think he is wonderful. Get him off this site please, there are far worse out there. Blimey, chuck a stick out the wimdow and it will hit 30 people more annoying than him.

It has to be said that he gets less amusing each time I see him. Given that he wasn't particularly funny to start with it's now becoming painful. I feel he's changed his act somewhere along the line and - probably in response to the repetetive jibes from that pompous creep Ian Hislop about not being educated - now seems to be trying to prove he's really a clever f*cker (which he clearly is not). A smug, ugly bastard with an embarrassingly awful dress sense. He's completely shite on Room 101 as well. HIGNY should be killed off as it is well past its sell-by date now.

Paul Merton is NOT annoying. It's sooooo obvious that the grumpyness is an act. I've met him and he's a sweetie-pie.

So fucking unfunny its frightening, he should be beaten around the head with his own genitals.

This is the bollocks.

Awesome guy.

It’s people like Paul Merton that are preventing Alastair Campbell The Prime Ministers Director of Slimifications from being on the list.

I agree. I think he's fucking ace. I met him once and told him so, and he said "Thanks, man," his face lit up, beaming and genuinely pleased that someone appreciuated what he was doing.

Remove him forthwith, I say. And get that mudering fucking gangster/war criminal Rumsfeld on here.

He's not fucking ace though is he? He's a fucking ace arsehole. Seen HIGNYFY latelety. The guy's a complete cocksucker! Kill him, kill the program. Pretentious twat!

Oh please. Pretenoius? If he's pretenious then why did he spent one evening sending me text messages about his wife and friends and what they had been up to that day and chatting about my job? The man's a gem. Leave him alone. As for that wanker who kept going to see his shows AFTER he found out he doesn't like him, I mean, God dam.

The guy is a genius. Pin sharp wit and a flawless delivery.

Who names themselves after the place they live for christsake!.

Justin Edinburgh?

That jokes been done Larry (a few times now I think).Bring back Kent Pete.

I'm all for that, where is he??

Please show a little compassion and get Paul Merton off this board now.
His wife has just died from breast cancer.
Go on, make a snide remark about that.

I fully agree with Mrs Scott Tracy.

I demand Paul Merton is removed from this website at this instant moment.

His wife just died of cancer.

Agreed. Get the lad out of here immediately.

I've been trying to vote him off for ages!Not annoying.

Amazing he was here in the first place.

No, he isn't annoying, he's hilarious. What does someone have to do to not be included on this list - be dead or unheard of?

Here's another vote to get him off.
And I offer him my deepest sympathies.

Seeing as Paulilne Quirke has been reprieved (on what grounds, I hear you ask???), then Paul is certainly entitled to a second chance..

besides his wife just dying, he is not annoying unless having the ability to make people laugh is annoying.

Ive always found Mr Merton subtly funny, and hes not one to laugh at his own jokes, but he has a certain dry wit which I find quite funny.

But his humour can be a little bland at times, and he can take somthing thats unfunny a little to far, which makes you cringe, other than that I dont think he should be in this list, definitly not more anoying than Mick Hucknall.

Paul merton is extremely funny.

He is cool as well.

I saw him on some program - he had a beard and was wearing a metal tie. hehehe.

I didnt know his wife just died of cancer - poor him. But that will not make any difference to the people who dispise him anyway. They will just use it as ammunition.

I vote paul as 1 star - if we all do that then he will soon be redeemed.

Peace brothers.

I agree. Paul Merton is funny and as about annoying as Holly Valance coming to your house and demanding a rampant humping.

His destruction of Angus 'Smug Cunt' Deayton after the coke and whores scandal on Have I Got News For You should be grounds alone for redeeming him.

Totally agree, I don't always think he's that funny, but I've never found him annoying. Some of his contributions to HIGNFY over the years have been priceless. Sympathies for his wife passing away as well.

Get him off the site. He's not annoying at all. Well, apart from that time he wore something that looked like a blue gorilla on HIGNFY.

I urge Dogbomb to remove Paul Merton at this instant, as this man lost his wife last September of cancer.

he makes HIGNFY funny, oh and the blue sweater reminded me of cookie monster more than a blue gorilla

Remove him

get him off. Not annoying, even though he's stopped being funny on HIGNFY.

I still like him on HIGNFY, but find him a bit irritating on Room 101. Still, he's not even close to being MATMH.

(No more replacement suggestions please.Top tip:Numerous "get him off" posts will ultimately make it look as if Paul Merton is encouraging more annoyance discussion than he is and so may prove counter productive during any redemption process)

Okay then, I'll just say Paul isn't annoying and give him one star. If enough people vote him not annoying, he shall get the reprieval he richly deserves :)

Erm Patrick I think you're in the wrong thread.
not annoying at all. Hilarious in fact.

(Well spotted macdoosey.Thanks)

Generally likeable and funny.

Take a look a this.

http://65.54.170.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=48deaffa0fdd43de1cd4c5bfa62e9c34&lat=1069495017&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2ethewhitehouse%2econ nectfree%2eco%2euk%2fpage14%2ehtm

I don't think anyone comes out of it with much credit.

Least of all me...try this link instead.

http://www.thewhitehouse.connectfree.co.uk/page14.htm

Not annoying, very talented.

not saying a word as don't want him to look in anyway annoying.

Remove Paul Merton for here. Not only is he fucking funny, I accosted him at a Film premier a couple of years back and he was a really nice bloke. I would have told me to piss off!

I quite like him. He dosent need to be here.

Paul Merton funny fella, down to earth.

Thought he was great with Sir Ian McKellan.

always funny on Have i Got News for You .. for mercilessly destroying that utter fraud Deayton he should be redeemed alone.

Lets get Merton off here ASAP.

He's alrght

I really loved his show back in the mid-90's, where he made purposely boring jokes from behind a kiosk. Anyone remember that?

He's a bit... Jack Dee-esque. I don't find him annoying in the least. Not one bit. Redeem the fellow.

Looks like a lot of people want Paul Merton off here hint hint

The thick ants Ian Hislop!

Shouldn't be on here for the way he went at Boris Johnson on HIGNFY last week- classic.

Yep-get him off here

Definitely should be redeemed. Keep up the good work Lil' al.
How are the essays going, by the way?

Haven't actually started yet Daveyboy- writing about McDonaldization and the rise of the network society (yawn) just doesn't appeal to me as much as redeeming people.
But yes get Paul Merton off here now.

Slaughtered poor old Boris again on HIGNFY this week. Get him off here for Gods sake.

Hey, get this man off this website.

He has done nothing irritating and his wife lost her battle for life after being diagnosed with cancer.

Replace him with the 3rd bitch of Atomic Kitten please.

Agreed. Or Ronnie O'Sullivan. He'd feel at home with Virgo, Davidson, and the Gallagher brothers all getting torched in here. Bring the greasy wop on.

There is no possible reason for Paul Merton to still be on this list.

Please redeem Merton, Doggy. He shouldnt be on here.

Must say I don't know how him losing his wife makes him less annoying.

Did you notice how none of them had the fucking guts to take the piss out of the pathetically hysterical Soham coverage this week? Cowards.

Not so much cowardly as respectful to 2 Mums and Dads that have had their daughters brutally murdered. They probably havent slept more than a couple of hours a night since it happened and probably wont for years to come.
Do you think that would have made good TV you stupid cunt?

Would have agreed with you 100% before this morning withnail. That is until I saw one of the Soham dads had done a deal to sell their story to to the papers. If my daughter had been killed in the way theirs werer there is no way on this earth I could even think so mercenary. I'd be grieving far too much still.

Fair point.
Theyve still suffered enough though.

I knew some knobend would take that the wrong way. I said take the piss out of the Soham COVERAGE not the murders. Christ, I bet you were one of the deluded morons who slagged the Brass Eye paedo special.

HIGNFY is a topical quiz show with the basic format that they take the piss out of what has been in the news this week. The Soham trial was the biggest story of the year, the newspaper coverage was fucking ridiculously over the top (The Sun had a PULLOUT on Ian Huntley and pictures of him as a baby, for fuck's sake) and they didn't even mention it.

That's cowardice in my book.

I see your point but it would be difficult to get many laughs I would have thought.

No, I understood your poorly made point perfectly well and anticipated your weak response.
The coverage has been maudlin and over the top.
However, that doesnt make a fucking bit of difference. You cant take the piss under the circumstances you insensitive, naive buffoon.

That Brass Eye show was tops, it has to be said. At first I couldn't believe all the bile they were spouting, but it turned out to be some bloody hilarious crap!

As for Merton - still not annoying. No stars, so redeem him already!

I think they'd have found it hard to get any sort of laughs out of the coverage of the Soham trial. I expect that Hislop will have a go via Private Eye (and get the usual "please cancel my subscription" letters). They're usually better at handling that sort of press hypocrisy.

Not sure that I agree with you that the trial was the biggest story of the year. Iraq, anyone?

And Merton is still nowhere as annoying as Hucknall.

Yeah, the press coverage of the murder of 2 schoolgirls isnt really comedy gold is it.

I think the motivation for not covering the story was that HIGNFY is a comedy show.

Merton still not annoying and should be removed.

How do we know that they didn't mention the Soham murder trials? Don't forget that alot gets edited out before it goes on TV.

I guess the only way we'll know is if someone who went to the recording of that show reads this board!

Of course they didnt mention it.
The tv viewer sees all the questions, its just the length of the answer that gets edited to make it fit the 30 min slot and to remove the not very funny bits.
It would have pissed off the audience and that doesnt make for a good show.
Can we leave it now?

PM still not at all annoying

remove him, still not at all annoying.

"How do we know that they didn't mention the Soham murder trials? Don't forget that alot gets edited out before it goes on TV.

I guess the only way we'll know is if someone who went to the recording of that show reads this board!"

Despite Withnail's childish PC bleatings, it was actually THIS post that has completely destroyed my argument. So yes, we SHALL leave it there.

And remove Merton - he's not annoying.

PC. Yes a bit like Hitler was.
cock.

Political correctness is a way of cleansing peoples thought under the guise of not offending minority groups. I fucking hate it and anyone that agrees with it is a weak minded cunt.

Not offending the parents of 2 dead little girls isnt the same thing. Call that Childish you stupid fucker?

Perhaps you will think differently if ever anyone is desperate enough to let you share your horrible spawn with them and produce offspring.

Not sure anything should be 'off limits' myself, any risque/bad taste stuff will live or die on its merits anyway. Merton's always annoyed me, though I can't put my finger on why exactly. And one or two episodes of Have I Got News For You is enough for me.

Why is Merton still on here?
Get him off!!

Did any of you hear his suggestion for David Blunkets ID cards; 'Just tell him we've done it'? Brilliant.

I think he should definitely be removed. His jokes aren't genius but his timing is excellent so he pulls them off [cue gormless jokes about pulling off]. He's one of the few comedians that make me laugh out loud, along with Peter Kay.

You only have to watch the HIGNFY episodes with Boris Johnson and especially the one with Angus Deayton following the episode with the prostitute to see he IS funny.

I think this is one of the few boards where more people want him off than on. No stars from me.

Are the Phones4u adverts enough of a reason for him to be on here?

Yes

However, his endeavours on HIGNFY and Room 101 should be enough to redeem im surely?

When was he in phones 4 u adverts?

Mizzaberry - he does the voiceover

Phones4u - the Starbucks of mobile phones shops (in that there's opening every-fucking-where)

I've seen the phones4u adverts...I don't remember hearing his voice at all. I love them anyway, that song is soo catchy.

He did the old ads.

And why is he still here???

He is still here because he is as stiff and artificial as a marionette. A comedian who is not funny is just an annoying loser.

He was in the ads that had the tag "ashamed of your mobile". The song is catchy. Everyone grab a big canoe and row on down to phones4u.

Hes funny and not annoying at all as far as I can see. He should be removed from MATMH.

I agree, and had it been Paul or Ian who left HIGNFY the show would have just ended there, the fact that the show has lasted so long just shows he's not annoying to most people and not just me. I don't think Paul is an entertainer as such, what he does works best in relation to what other people are thinking of or doing but he is still really funny with it. He shouldn't be on this list really.